My favorite television show is “24.” Each episode is one hour (less commercial time) and documents one hour of “real time” in the lives of its characters. The show’s hero, Jack Bauer, is a super-agent who works for the Counter-Terrorism Unit (CTU) in Los Angeles. A tormented soul, Jack has many talents and a determination that allow him to save the world in 24 hours.

The time is periodically flashed on the screen during each episode to help you follow Jack’s day. This week’s episode took place between 4 p.m. and 5 p.m. Here is what happened in the first half hour:

4:01:23 Jack is tortured by terrorists and they break both of his arms.
4:05:36 Jack’s arms heal, and he manages to escape after killing 3 terrorists.
4:09:12 Jack uploads the information from one of the terrorist’s cell phones to CTU headquarters, then calls his sister in Brazil on their cell phone. Since she is not part of their Family and Friends plan, he hopes to run up a huge bill that will cripple the terror financial network.
4:15:46 CTU finds information on the captured cell phone that reveals where other terrorists are. Jack goes there, captures the bad guys, then cracks the encryption code on their computer which reveals the location of a “nucular” device.
4:22:03 On his way to find the bomb, Jack passes a piano store. He goes in, and plays Chopin’s Minute Waltz in 30 seconds. He and the beautiful female store owner fall in love instantly. He tells her he has to leave, but he will come back. “I promise,” he says.
4:27:28 CTU calls and says that Jack is two miles from the bomb, and the bomb is set to go off in 5 minutes. Jack hops on the freeway, drives the 2 miles, finds the bomb, and dismantles it, just in time.

It was at this point that I stood up from the sofa and yelled to no one in particular, “That could never happen!” My wife came in the room to see what was wrong. “This week is just too hard to believe!” I screamed. “I used to live in LA. There is no way he could drive 2 miles on the freeway at 4 o’clock in the afternoon in 5 minutes!” You can only suspend disbelief so much.

I also like to watch CSI. It has been so successful that they keep creating new ones in different cities each year. I think there are 34 of them on this year. I feel sorry for the writers because they are running out of cities to host the program. I know this because I saw that next year they are adding CSI Idaho Falls. So as a public service, I have come up with some new shows they might consider:

 CSI Boulder – Detectives from New York are brought into Boulder. Each episode, they try to sniff out criminals who are violating the city’s “No Smoking Anytime Anywhere” ordinance. To make it more challenging, they must ride around on bicycles, become vegetarians, attend a class from Ward Churchill and use 18th century crime solving techniques like the other Boulder detectives.
 CSI Baseball – Forensic urologists examine the urine of famous baseball players to check for illegal substances. Time is of the essence because they are trying to catch Barry Bonds before he breaks Hank Aaron’ all time home run record.
 CSI Washington D.C. – Meteorologists try to find the source of the mysterious pockets of hot air which continuously hover over the city. They try to determine how much global warming is caused by this phenomenon.
 CSI Anna Nicole Smith – Most people are probably not aware that this American treasure passed away recently. The news coverage has been sparse, and I am sure everyone is anxious to learn more details about her life and death.

If any of the CSI television producers are reading this, please call me because I have even more ideas for you.

David LeSueur lives in Littleton with his wife and DVR.