It happened gradually, but I realized the other day that I can hardly ever remember any names.
I used to think I could think of names better than my wife, Mary. She often would get our kids’ names mixed up. We have two daughters and she sometimes would call Amanda “Stephanie” and vice-versa. She had a bigger problem with our two boys. She sometimes would run through the names of all of the men in her life, finally stopping when she reached the right name (“Doug-Bobby-Brian-David-John-Carl come here!”). Our sons would get offended when she included the names of our dogs in the list (in her defense, they all were male dogs).
But now we both struggle with our memories. When we are talking to each other it doesn’t really matter. We can talk for hours without saying the name of any person or place. But we have been married for long enough that forgetting names doesn’t matter – we know exactly what the other person is talking about. Here’s an example:
Mary: Remember the movie we saw on our first date? It is on TV tonight. What was the name of it again?
Me: Sure, it was . . . well it had that dopey saying about love.
Mary: Right and that actor playing the lead – what was his name?
Me: I know who you mean. Later he made a comedy with that singer with the big nose.
Mary: Yeah, she had a great voice. She made some good romantic movies too. Do you remember the one we saw that night it was raining so hard?
Me: Sure. How could I forget? Let’s see, the name of the movie was the same as the title song. “Memories, da-da-duh-da-da-da-da.”
Mary: And I love the actor in that movie. Remember when we used to see him at the 4th of July Parade in Provo?
Me: I really liked the movie he made where he scammed some bad guy betting on horses. It popularized Ragtime music by Scott Somebody.
Mary: Yep. “Da-da-da-duh-da-duh-da-duh”
Those of you of a certain age might recognize that our conversation was about the movie “Love Story”, the phrase “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”, Ryan O’Neal, Barbra Streisand, “What’s Up Doc”, ”The Way We Were”, Robert Redford, Scott Joplin, “The Sting” and “The Entertainer.” But the rest of you would get lost trying to have that conversation with us. That causes us some social heartburn.
Recently I read an article about how we all have troubles with our memory as we grow older. Scientists think we can postpone some of the effects of aging by exercising our brains. It suggested that doing puzzles and playing board games can keep us sharp. Just like our muscles, our brain is stronger when it is exercised.
Last night I had what I thought was a perfect opportunity to help Mary exercise her brain. We were with some friends and Mary was telling a story. In the middle she couldn’t think of someone’s name and she looked at me for help. I started to tell her the name but I stopped myself. The selfish thing to do would be to tell her the name. The unselfish thing would be to give her the opportunity to think a little harder and come up with the name herself. Brain exercise. So I looked at her and said, “I know who you are thinking of, but I think it would be good for you to think of it yourself. So just think real hard for a minute – I’m sure it will come to you.”
Perhaps she doubted my motives. Or maybe she had mistaken the smile on my face for a smirk. Whatever the reason, she was not happy with me. Later that night when we had come home, I tried to reconcile with her.
I reminded her that love means never having to say you’re sorry.
She reminded me that love means sometimes having to sleep on the sofa.

David LeSueur lives in Littleton, Colorado with his wife, What’s-Her-Name.