For Fathers Day this year, I received the ugliest tie I have ever seen. I am not even sure who gave it to me, but I love it, and I wore it all day.

The kids at church collected old ties from home and brought them to church two weeks ago. Then they picked from a motley collection of craft items and glued them to each tie. My tie had a miniature Indian Chief feather headband, two plastic horses, and some orange and white and tan fuzzballs. The fuzzballs were arranged neatly in the shape of a smile.

I was given the tie a week before Fathers Day with the following poem attached:

Here’s a gift for Fathers Day
To all men and dads.
It may look weird, it may be silly
But we hope you will be glad
It’s a special way to thank you all
And make a great big fuss.
Hip, hip, hooray, three cheers for you
For all you do for us!
We’re not done yet,
There’s one more thing that we just have to say,
On Sunday next, please wear this tie
For a Happy Fathers Day.

This is actually the first tie I have ever received for Fathers Day. When my kids were smaller I often received a picture they had drawn or some craft they had made at school. Carl came home once with a clay object and asked, “Guess what I made dad?” Unfortunately I had no idea what it was, other than it was painted turquoise and pink and had what could have been legs or ears on one side. (It was a dinosaur.) If I kept all of the small gifts my kids have given me we would need a much larger house, so I usually tried to discreetly throw the gifts away after a few weeks. I think my oldest daughter, Stephanie, knew when I threw away her gifts and it probably made her sad. But she never said anything. I doubt my two boys (Carl and John) ever noticed. Amanda, my youngest daughter is more assertive. She would search the trashes in the house, dig out her gift and put it back on my desk. After a few weeks, I would wait until trash day, hide it in the middle of the grass clippings and put it out on the street. That always worked.

I am not a very original gift giver. I usually end up sending things I would like. This year was no exception. I ordered Mrs. Fields cookies for my father and father-in-law. I wasn’t sure whether I was going to get any gifts, so I sent some to me too. Shipping costs more than the cookies (especially when you procrastinate and have to send them overnight for Saturday delivery). After taxes, shipping and handling fees (I hope they didn’t handle the cookies too much), it cost about $25 per cookie. But I was assured of receiving at least one gift for Fathers Day.

I didn’t need to worry about not getting any gifts. Stephanie, who lives in Highlands Ranch, made me dinner. Carl sent me three baseball books. One he sent me, The Physics of Baseball , is a book I have wanted to read ever since the humidor turned the Coors Field launching pad into a pitchers park. John is getting married next month and took time out from smooching with his fiancée to call me and talk. Neither of us like to talk on the phone a lot, so I appreciated the effort. Amanda, now 21, also called. When she was small, she used to say, “Daddy, will you play?” Now that she is in college, she still calls and says “Daddy, will you play?” except she leaves the “l” out of “play.” When she called, I just asked her to call me “Daddy” again and that was enough.

Since I received my first Fathers Day tie ever, you might wonder if anyone fixed me a gourmet breakfast in bed. My wife might read this, so I will just tell you that I did not have breakfast in bed. But understand that I get breakfast in bed the other 364 days, so we are just trying to make Fathers Day different.

I will probably keep the tie. There is room next to my Santa Claus tie that plays “Joy to the World” when you press the bottom. On the other hand, Wednesday is trash day and there are some grass clippings in the garbage can if I need them.