The dinner table is a good place to teach children about life and to discuss important philosophical questions. After all, they have to sit there or they won’t get anything to eat! Last week we delved into religion. The question we discussed was: where do dogs go after they die?

Most theologians think that this question was definitively settled by the Don Bluth animated movie “All Dogs Go to Heaven.” However, I am sure there is at least one dog that won’t make the cut.

When our kids started begging for a dog, we tried to make them happy with some low-maintenance alternatives instead. I wanted a pet that I could leave at home while I went on vacation for three weeks and when I came back he wouldn’t even notice I was gone. We started with goldfish and those miniature turtles, but I wasn’t a very good pet owner. I had to look in the Goldfish Owners Manual (the “Troubleshooting” section) to see what it meant when the goldfish is floating at the top of the water. It also took me three turtles before I learned that they lived longer if you put those fake plastic palm trees into the aquarium with them. I guess it makes them believe they are on an island and might be rescued any minute.
Between the ages of 9 and 11 our boys always wanted lizards or snakes. But our girls always wanted hamsters or gerbils or white rats. I thought it odd that 11-year old girls were attracted to rodents. My wife claims it is God’s way of preparing them to be attracted to 12-year old boys. I used to be a 12-year old boy myself, so I know she is right.

Like most parents, we finally caved in and got a dog. We have owned four during the last 30 years and we had a lively discussion about their eternal reward. We all agreed that if any dogs go to heaven then our Maltese “Nikki” would go there. He was fun and obedient, and he always said please and thank you. He even entertained us by singing when I played the piano. That ability might come in handy in heaven if they have Talent Shows or Heaven’s Funniest Home Videos. I said that our Cocker Spaniel “Dusty” should definitely not go to heaven. He had a bad habit of biting people. This was not good for neighbor relations or homeowner premiums. I know some people say there is no such thing as a bad dog – just a bad dog owner. If that is the case, then maybe I shouldn’t go heaven. I am OK with that as long as Dusty isn’t with me.

If you have similar questions about animals in the afterlife, I recommend you see all three cartoons Don Bluth made on the subject. The first was, of course, “All Dogs Go to Heaven.” The other two are “No Mosquitoes Go to Heaven” and “Cats Go Wherever They Want.”

David LeSueur lives in Littleton with his wife Mary and their dog Colby. The jury is still out on whether Colby will go to heaven.